i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
