I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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