If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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