you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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