I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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