I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
