I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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