My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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