you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
