Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
