I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
