This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
