just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
