I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
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he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
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I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.