Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.