My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money