i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.