david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila