Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
