he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
