the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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