i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
