My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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