Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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