When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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