A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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