1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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