I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
