dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
