What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
