My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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