K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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