i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
