we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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