why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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