Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
