I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
