Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
