you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
