Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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