As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
