Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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