You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
