is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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