Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She even gives head with a lisp.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
