in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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