I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
pray to the hookup gods
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
