I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
