whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
