never play flip cup with pint glasses
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
