ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
