Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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