We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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