i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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