5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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