giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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