my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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