God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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