im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
