how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
