and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
