3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
