Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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