i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
