God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I cannot find my penis.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
