Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
