Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
