you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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