So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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