So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
