who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
