i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
