Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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