I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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