dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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