Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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