you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
